Friday, December 3, 2010


Hey yo . My head is filled with alot of things recently. And suddenly I want to do some self-reflection .

1. I read my comments in the past and the things I posted. And I realised that I am damn bitch and of a whore. And super guailan.

2. I am indecisive.

3. Sometimes , I push responsibility to other people .

4. I am inconsiderate.

5. I never thought of other people's feelings in the past.

6. I am kinda rash at times.

7. I feel that I'm useless.

8. I lack courage.

9. I can be very act.

Everything I do , I feel that I'm wrong. I want to solve 1 problem , but it still can't be solved. Seriously , I want to solve that problem. I tried , but i guess I need to try harder. But eventually the person will push me away.
At times , I will seriously go crazy and really felt like I could collapse. But something within me told me to go on.
I don't like to say out what am I thinking . I felt that I am so useless. Sometimes , I can cry over small things .
I got looked down many times. But I bear with it.
I really felt like slapping myself. "Why am I so useless?" is what I normally think of. To me , it seems that I could never do anything right.
I hate it when relationships between me and my seniors/good friends sour. I thought of changing school that time when such thing first happened. But I didn't. What made me stay ? My mum supported me to change school. But seriously , what made me stay ? I don't ask for forgiveness or anything. As I don't deserve it. Seriously I don't. I am such a whore , so why bother forgiving me.
I always wondered why am I not a genius . So I can do everything perfectly. Why am I so incapable. I can't do anything well.
In the past , I was such a whore. I feel stupid. Seriously stupid.
Sometimes I can be very act , at least to me. But when that happens , people would feel that I am very act too. I would call myself a whore liddat.
This year seems to have pass so fast. But , yet so slow.
If I can , I would like to change many things. But I can't.
I lack courage. Why can't I have more courage.
Sometimes I am too direct and hurt people's feelings.
I can be very rash at times. When something happens and I am unhappy , I will do things that I don't want to do. Bad things.
Sometimes it's because of me , everything is being pulled down. Thanks to me. I am the stone that is blocking their pathway to the goal.
Seriously , I regret alot. I dunno what to do sometimes. I can just feel like banging the wall , forgetting everything. I rather be a person who never talks at all and have no emotions...
... That't what I thought.
I have some really great friends out there who really cares for me. They taught me alot of things and most of the time they are always there for me. I am seriously very touched. I really feel guilty towards them , as I feel that I emo alot , and hence giving them trouble.
I dunno what good points do I have. I only know all the bad points. I know I suck , horrible and others . I want to change. But for the better , and not the worse. Seriously , I want to change...

- 请告诉我 我到底该怎么做


i want this to last... 7:17 AM


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